Jane The Virgin: Chapter 50
Loved this episode! I looked at the clock and it was only 15 minutes in and I felt like I’d already seen two episodes worth of shenanigans. Let’s see how much I remember.
Young Jane Gloriana Villanueva grew up deeply loved by Xiamora and Abuela, but she always yearned for a sister. I’m an only kid myself and I can tell you, those stuffed-animal tea parties brig on the kind of serious soledad that make you want a sibling. So Jane is beyond amped when, after finding her cousin Catalina on her doorstep, she hits it off with her prima. (I’m 56% fluent in Spanish. Thanks, Duolingo!) Jane invites Catalina to spend the night, despite the fact that Michael and Jane are in the process of moving. Oh, but Catalina loves moving! In fact, Catalina moves all the time! She’s a world traveler and she regales Jane with stories of her zany adventures over tea. Michael is a little skeptical. I trust Michael (#Team Michael).
Xo is looking for a space to open her new studio, but she has a limited budget. Rogelio offers to help. At first, Xo tells him no because she doesn’t want him meddling in her business. Ro finds the perfect place and uses his celebrity (he promised the landlord he’d do a fro-yo commercial) to get a discount in Xo’s price range, she accepts. Just as Xo signs the lease, she sees her ex, Bruce, walk by. Bruce is Xo’s married ex, who was briefly mentioned in the pilot episode. Ro notices Xo is shaken, but Xo assures him she’s over Bruce.
Petra curves Scott hard, telling him they are never, ever, getting back together. Scott is crushed. Petra then tells Rafael he has to get out of the Marbella because she’s rented the penthouse. Raf asks why she’s treating him like that. Petra seems genuinely hurt when she tells him she can’t believe he was fooled by Anezka. All can Raf say is, “Sorry.”
Jane tries to get her old teaching assistant job back, but Professor Donaldson tells her that’s not happening. There’s a quick flashback to the Don Quixote stripper from parents’ day at the university; he's played by Gina Rodriguez real life boo. Yes, honey, Gina went out and found her a Michael in the streets/Rafael in the sheets to be her man!
Professor Donaldson sets Jane up with a publisher looking for an assistant. It’s perfect for Jane because it’s a publishing house that specializes in historical romance novels. Jane rushes home to tell Michael and Catalina, who’s still there. Catalina encourages Jane to just go for it, telling her everything she needs to know she’ll learn on the job. Then Catalina makes a snarky comment about the wine they drink. I don’t know about this one.
Petra is served with a sexual harassment suit by Scott. He gets all loud in the hall way, talking about “hostile work environments” so everybody can hear. Petra asks Raf to side with her and say Scott is lying. Raf says only if she gives his shares back. Petra says she’d rather pay Scott off and walks out.
Ro wants to show his penis in an indie movie, but, in order to get out of his contracts morality clause, he has to do his agent a favor. They want to do a little product placement. So, somehow, Honey Bunches of Oats is involved in the Cuban Missile Crisis. I love how the JTV writers have fun with the fact that Honey Bunches of Oats is actually a sponsor of JTV. Everybody eats Honey Bunches of Oats. I’ll say that one more time so they get their money’s worth: Honey Bunches of Oats.
Ro and Xo keep referring to an inside joke they have about dancing. Turns out, when they were in high school they had a little dance troupe. Teen Xo and Teen Ro are dressed like TLC circa “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” and they do some “Beatstreet” moves. I love teen Xo and whoever played Teen Ro was so spot on I thought they dubbed Jaime Camil’s voice for a second.
Jane goes to the interview and is acing it until she follows Catalina’s advice and pretends to know some software she’s never used and deletes an important document. She goes home to tell Michael and Catalina (still there). Michael tells her to forget about it and move on. Catalina grabs Jane’s phone and sends the editor’s assistant, Alice, a text saying she’ll start Monday. And it works. Catalina is a Bruja.
Petra tried to buy Scott off, but he is out for revenge, not money. He reminds her he has a burn book and has all the dirt on her. He whispers something in her ear, and Petra is shaken.
Catalina, who is still in Miami and making herself at home in Michael and Jane’s new apartment, meets Jane at the Marbella after her shift is over. Rafael comes over and introduces himself. SPARKS FLY WHEN CATALINA AND RAFAEL TOUCH! Jane kinda notices it but dismisses it. Three rounds later, Catalina and Rafael are talking about yachts and Europe and Jane is the serious third wheel. Rafael convinces Jane to go home to her husband and child, while he gets cozy with Catalina. Jane ubers it out of there, but she doesn’t want to. Back at home with Michael and Mateo, Jane obsesses over Catalina and Rafael. Michael says she’s jealous (she totally is). Jane says she not; it’s just that she really likes her new cousin so much that she doesn’t want to be in the middle of Cat and Raf if something goes wrong. Yeah, right.
Jane has told Abuela about Catalina. Abuela eventually decides to meet Catalina because she doesn’t like feeling distant from Jane. They have a dinner of arepas and everybody is getting a long great. Catalina tells them what a great dancer Alba was and how Alba used to wear her skirt short to show off her legs. Everything is going fine until Catalina says Alba stole Mateo from Cecilia, and that’s why Cecilia told the whole village Alba was not a virgin. Alba tells Catalina to get out of her house and take her dry-ass arepas with her.
Xo and Ro are painting the studio together when Xo sees Bruce walk by. Ro notices it. They decide to have an old school dance off and Ro pulls something. Xo rushes to comfort him. Ro is about to tell Xo he still loves her, but he senses she still has feelings for Bruce. Xo says she doesn’t; it’s just that she never got to tell him off. Ro encourages her to do just that.
Raf asks Jane if he can ask Catalina out again. Jane says no. She’s pretty serious about it too. Raf asks again at Jane’s place in front of Michael, and when Jane says no, Rafael kinda struts out like, yeah, she married you, Michael, but she’s still wants me. Michael storms off into the kitchen. Mateo is adorable through all of this.
Xo waits for Bruce to tell him he’s a douchebag, but she finds out he’s divorced!
Petra gives back Rafael’s shares and in return Rafael threatens Scott with a thousand lawsuits and Scott drops the sexual harassment suit (I’m surprised they didn’t eat Honey Bunches of Oats). RAFAEL AND SCOTT WERE IN CAHOOTS! Rafael had seen Petra curve Scott and Raf told Scott the whole story and they set Petra up to get Raf’s shares back. Awww, I wanted Petra to be a bitch on wheels with full power a little longer.
Michael and Jane sit on their cute balcony. Jane assures him she’s not jealous of Raf and Cat; she’s jealous of Cat’s life. That’s exactly what Michael was afraid of, that Jane would compare her life to Cat’s and think he was boring. Later, Jane gets a text from Alice the Assistant to come out to the club and she and Michael go (who’s watching Mateo?!). Michael gets up on stage and sings the most adorkable version of “Locked Out Of Heaven” you ever heard just to prove he’s not boring. Jane joins him and Alice and the Assistants think the Corderos are cool. Jane and Michael are so hyped, they go out and get a cat! Welcome Faith M. Whiskers III!
Ro, who’s got a crazy Tiago story line that mirrors his own life, eats a bowl of HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS, and decides to go see XO and tell her he loves her. But when he gets to the studio, Xo is inside, KISSING BRUCE! Jaime Cmil is such a good actor; when his heart breaks you just feel for the guy. Awwwww. Later on, over a bowls of Honey Bunches of Oats, Xo tells Abuela she hasn’t seen Bruce since the first time she ran into him. This is a lie and Ro knows it. Abuela apologizes to Jane for yelling at Catalina. And later Alba and Xo sit on the Porch Swing of Reconciliation and Alba tells Jane she doesn’t trust Catalina. I trust Alba.
Michael stops by the police station to see his cute partner, Dennis Chambers (I have a crush on that guy his real name is Christopher Allen), Dennis tells Michael the numbers from Elena’s bible are indeed the numbers to a bank account. (#TeamDennis)
No longer jealous of Cat, Jane tells her to go see Rafael. CATALINA AND RAFAEL KISS AND CLOSE THE DOOR (WHICH MEANS SEX)! The next morning RAFAEL IS SHIRTLESS, and he says he want to have sex a thousand more times with Catalina. Damn, Raf. It’s like that? Raf kisses Catalina and like a fool in the worst kind of love says, “You’re trouble aren’t you?” Catalina says “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” dun Dun DUN!
I give this eppy an A+. Like I said, it was just packed with plot. I liked the havoc Catalina wrecked and I can’t wait to see where her plotline goes (she damn well better not be Sin Rostro!). It was good for Jane to have a few pangs of regret over Rafael; she can’t have him pining over her forever (besides, the love triangle is dead on the CW; did you see Greg left Crazy Ex-Girlfriend?!). Rogelio, Xo, and Jane were all dealing with mixed feelings about their exes. And Rafael had no shirt on. He was shirtless. A+.
To Be Continued...