Chapter Fifty Four
Look, I feel some kinda way and I knew it was going to happen. You’ll recall in my midseason finale/spoiler alert post, I told you this was coming to pass. I hate being right.
(If you haven’t seen the eppy yet, 1) why are you reading a recap and 2) don’t read ahead unless you want the spoiler spoiled.) (Go away.) (Stop playing.)
First of all, this episode was tight. It was Jane in peak form, firing on all cylinders, every single character involved. It was written by showrunner Jennie Snyder Urman and directed by Melonie Mayron (Professor Donaldson). At the top of the show, the Narrator takes us back to young Michael instead of young Jane. Young Michael is dressed for Halloween in a cop outfit that’s adorably too big for him. In a nice bit of foreshadowing, Michael wants with all his heart to go trick-or-treating, but he’s sick and his mom won’t let him go. In the present, Jane and Michael are looking through old photographs and come across a pic from that long ago Halloween. Michael swears he remembers that moment perfectly, but Jane explains something called “flashbulb memory,” memories that seem so vivid and clear because of the intensity of the emotion attached to them, not because of our accurate recollection. (She read that in the New Yorker, here’s the article: http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/idea-happened-memory-recollection) (I wish I could figure out how to hyperlink). Michael says, “Nah, I remember everything.”
The phone rings and Jane is offered her dream job, assistant to a publishing wunderkind. (What happened to the other lady? Last I remember, Jane and Michael (sob) wowed the assistant at a bar singing Bruno Mars karaoke, right?). Rogelio stops by with a different kind of picture: a still from his nude scene (Rogelio’s genitalia is a gift that keeps on giving). Ro invites Jane to the screening and she agrees to come as long as he tells her when to look away in order to avoid having the image her padre’s cadre seared on the inside of her eyelids.
Unlike the last time when Catalina (may she never return) told Jane to wing her interview, Jane is hella prepared. And when Jane is prepared, she does the darn thing. She’s given a memoir to read and her prospects ($40K and benefits) look amazing. Jane goes to pick up Mateo from Abuela’s where Xiomara is watching him. Xo wants some quid pro quo and asks Jane to come to dinner with Alba, Bruce, and Scary Tess. Jane agrees. When Xo asks Jane for feminine protection, Jane realizes she’s late. And she’s been having a lot of sex. A lot of sex. With Michael. La amor de su vida. (Why, Jennie Snyder Urman, why?!)
Michael comes home happy (he’s so happy this episode; he’s like a dog that doesn’t know he’s about to be put down) and Jane is making pasta. She tells him she might be pregnant, and she’s worried about their timeline and Mateo—but the look on Michael’s face assures her that a little Cordero would make Michael the happiest man on the planet. Jane takes one of Xo’s old pregnancy tests (what is she stockpiling them?) but the test is expired, and the result is unreadable. I loved that there was this kind of lingering hope that they might have a baby, even though I knew Michael was doomed. Doomed, I say!
Rogelio has been trying to come up with a matchmaker reality show for Darci. Darci wants him to co-star, but Ro is all about that indie life. He invites Darci to walk down la alfombra roja to the screening of his movie. At the screening, Ro’s big reveal has been edited out of the movie. (“They cut my penis!”). He storms outside and Darci tries to console him. As a bystander secretly records Ro’s freakout on cellphone, Ro says “penis” about a hundred times and he also hurts Darci, telling her she just wants to be Bethany Frankel while he wants to be a serious actor. Not the move, Ro.
At the Tess dinner, Tess is being a shady little heffa, but Jane wins her over by telling her that she and Michael live near a popular coffee shop Tess likes (okay….). Back at the apartment, Jane tells Michael she got her period, and she’s not pregnant (seriously, she had to tell him that last part. I’m like, Mike, you’re a cop!) They agree they’re disappointed, and Michael says they’ve got all the time in the world because he’s doomed! Doomed, I say! There’s a knock at the door and it Tess, drunk as a skunk in a trunk! Jane takes her to Xo’s, where Tess escapes on a bike, only to be captured by Abuela, who tells her to get in the car ahora mismo! Xo calls Bruce, who wants to lock Tess up forever, but Xo offers some sage advice that saves Tess’s butt, which Tess overhears, opening the door to a civil relationship between Tess and Xo.
Oh! The other people—you know, the ones who survived Jennie Snyder Urman’s death scythe. Scott told Petra he and Anezka are married, and he has gazillion copies of the will’s addendum (I love Anezka’s forever bangs, lol). Rafael tells Luisa (remember her?) he’s not a real Solano and she assures him he will always be her brother and she’ll always have his back. Rafael finds out he’s going to have to do some jail time for cooking the books after his dad-not-dad died. Petra freaks because she hasn’t bonded with the twins, but she eases into motherhood and tells Raf to go ahead to jail if that’s what he wants (maybe he’ll see Petra’s mother, Magda in the co-ed prison yard!). Luisa introduces her new girlfriend, Eileen (come on!), to Rafael and Rafael is like, “I’ma need some bloodwork, proof of plastic surgery, and MRI, a bone scan” whatever it takes to prove Eileen is NOT Sin Rostro.
Of course, Eileen IS Sin Rostro (does she even have cartilage left?) and she has a look alike go take all the tests for her. Meanwhile, Jane delivered Ro’s naked pictures instead of the memoir summary and analysis to the publisher and torpedoed her chances at getting her dream job. Ro shrink-wraps a bus and wins Darci back.
The Date. God, this was beautiful writing. Jane and Michael go to the amusement park they went to when they first started dating. The scene alternates between the shy pair feeling their way around commitment to the married couple dreaming of forever. They play carnival games and take photo booth pictures. Jane looks at Michael and they both smile, knowing they’re going to ride the Ferris wheel, where they became a couple (yes, I thought it was the night of Jane’s 21st birthday, too, but you remember they added that Sam in the beginning of season 3). As the wheel goes round the past folds in on the present and you just know Michael is doomed. Doomed, I say! Chile, I thought the Ferris wheel was gonna break and send him hurling to his death there were so many omens! That didn’t happen; instead, Michael remembers some minor detail from an investigation that proves the memoir wasn’t entirely true and will allow Jane to march back to the publisher’s office, find out it was all a test and get the job. Because Michael is Jane’s safe place to land, always guiding her, supporting her, loving her. Sigh.
Jane gives Michael the cutest lunch box to take to the LSATs. She tells him she loves him, she’s proud of him. Michael goes to take the test. When he finishes and lines up to hand his test in, he collapses and dies. When Jane receives the call that Michael has died from some complication from his gunshot wound, she drops the phone and lets out a scream that better be on Gina Rodriguez’ Emmy reel, because it was life! Rafael comes in and wraps his arms around her (they are never, ever getting back together, so forget it #TeamRafael!). There’s a hint that Jane goes through some dark times and we’re about to jump ahead three years (no more Mr. Sweetface?!), but we’ve reached the end of part two.
So, basically, this is a reboot of the entire show. They’re jumping ahead three years, so anything can happen for the rest of the season. Raf’s going to jail. Sin Rostro’s back. Jane’s going to a wedding ( I bet it’s Alba’s!) and she has a funky new haircut. But as a member of #TeamMichael, my heart will always be a little broken when I don’t see Brett Dier’s goofy-sweet face mooning at Jane. (I hope he comes back as a Patrick Swayze in Ghost like spirit! Jennie Snyder Urman told The Hollywood Reporter they will do Michael flashbacks! Yay!)
A+ eppy. Can’t wait until next week.
Tell me what you think of Michael's death in the comments section!