I believe every episode Matt B Roberts has done I have absolutely loved. This is one of his. I truly believe the man is a book fan and if he is not, he really reads the books and listens to the fans that have. This episode was done remarkably well and beautifully done. Claire’s PTSD that we see was not even in the books and is a fine example of adding something that I think is really great! You can sense the anxiety from everyone during the episode and it is enough to make the viewer anxious about the upcoming war as well.
We know now that Jamie has no choice but to fight for King James and his obnoxious little rat of a son, Prince Charlie. After last week of a “nice” (*cough*) family visit with Lord Lovat, Jamie and Claire head to Crieff to meet with Murtagh, Fergus and the men of Lallybroch. They have in tow, Lord Lovat’s son, Simon and some 100 “volunteers” given to them from Beauly. However, they have lost some of those men along the way as they have chickened out and did not want to fight or be away from their families and farms. Most were likely forced to join under duress and given the first chance of escape, did so. Jamie sends Simon back to try to coax some or all of the men back to the fray. Simon will see what he can do and meet Jamie and the others at Perth with Prince Charlie’s army.
As they arrive, Jamie and Claire ride ahead on horseback and are greeted by Murtagh who briskly reminds them that they are a week behind schedule. Yes, they have men from Lord Lovat, but lost some along the way and explains Simon’s duty of trying to get some to come back. Murtagh expresses surprise that Jamie got any men from Lord Lovat and then looks at the tattered group coming through. (Did anyone else notice the woman? Most likely accompanying her husband…and a great way to get away from Lord Lovat I suppose!) Murtagh says that the group is certainly nothing to look at and Claire explains that Lovat kept all his best men at Beauly. No one is surprised by that.
A small curly head appears from a doorway. Fergus sees Jamie and Claire and a huge grin comes across his face. "Milady! Milord!“ he exclaims as he runs to them and greets Claire with a big hug. Claire smiles and greets him back too. Jamie looks at the lad and tells Fergus he is looking quite well which means Murtagh must have been treating him well. However, Fergus disagrees with the last part. He protests with accusations of Murtagh ordering him about, of having to mend the man’s socks and fetch his food. Murtagh just gives Jamie a look and shrugs and states he was only "educating the boy in the finer points” of travelling in the Highlands.
The next morning, the camp is buzzing with activity. Jamie and Claire are making their way through when they hear a old, but familiar voice. Angus, accompanied by Rupert, greet them both and claim they have come to join the cause. There are smiles and laughs around and a hug from Rupert which takes her off her feet. Instead of a hug though, Angus begs for a kiss from Claire. Still the rascal we see! We even see the usually dour faced Murtagh smile which is quite the rarity. Claire asks about young Willie and Angus and Rupert get quiet and lower their heads like they are in mourning. For a moment Claire and Jamie think something terrible might have befallen Willie, but Rupert quietly tells them that the boy “went and got himself marrit” to an Irish lass and they sailed to the colonies. Angus vehemently says they should never mention the traitor’s name. Claire interjects saying that she thinks marriage might be good for all of them. They all look at her like she is crazy.
Angus and Rupert aren’t the only ones there as we hear another voice say “Have ye no welcome for your beloved uncle?” . Dougal MacKenzie approaches the group and Jamie greets him. Dougal’s greeting was warm enough, but he is Dougal after all and adds how Jamie looks well considering his condition when he last saw him. Dig much, Dougal? Jamie replies that he has never felt more fit, but Dougal’s eyes have moved on to Claire. He greets her as The Lady Broch Tuarach and how she “is a vision of true lovliness”. Ugh. Excuse me as I gag for Claire as she smiles and tells Dougal how “it wouldn’t be Scotland” without him.
Jamie inquires about Dougal’s being there. Colum had signed the pact with Lovat and is staying neutral. Did Colum know about Dougal being there? Dougal explains that he is there without Colum’s blessing and has brought 5 men with him. Claire questions the strength of only 5 men, but Dougal reminds her that they stormed Wentworth Prison with the same number.
Dougal is overly anxious to get to the Prince’s army and fight. However, Jamie knows better. He wants the men trained properly before they go, so he decided they will stay put for a while longer. He knows that the men are merely farmers, cottars and tacksmen. They have never fought in a war before, let alone hold a weapon and know how to use it. Dougal protests some more (of course) and says they will be fine soldiers and that it is a waste of time to stay there. Dougal seems highly optimistic about the Scots chances at this war and wants to rush in. Claire and Murtagh give each other a look. They know differently.
The often quiet spoken Murtagh shows us that it is often the quiet ones you need to worry about and fear. He is attempting to train the men and tells them to form two lines. When they act confused and fumble about, Murtagh gets frustrated and angry. He begins to yell at the men like a true drill sergeant. Jamie and Dougal watch on. Dougal looks at Jamie and gives him a pat on the shoulder which silently says “I told you this is a waste of time”. Jamie’s eyes stay on the men and he begins to realize that this is going to be quite the process as the men can’t even form a double line properly and efficiently nor do they know their right from left.
Meanwhile, down the hill, Claire hears Murtagh barking orders at the men and we see the first of a series of flashbacks as things trigger memories she had stored away from WWII. Murtagh barking orders becomes an English officer’s voice as he drills his men. She tries to shake it off and walks on. As she continues walking, she hears voices and looks to see Fergus playing shinty with Ross and Kincaid. She has another flashback of some of the WWII soldiers playing a game of baseball. She becomes flustered by the visions and creeping emotions and she rushes to Fergus, grabs him and reprimands him for not getting Jamie the water he was supposed to be fetching.
Some may not understand those two flashbacks and why Claire became upset. They seem harmless enough, right? Well, they are memories she hasn’t had in years. Repressed memories and are only the beginning of PTSD flashbacks, which will lead her to the underlying cause of her PTSD. Of course, Claire understands trauma, but PTSD as we know it today wouldn’t be around for decades yet. As for her reaction to Fergus, Claire sees him as a son and would rather not have the boy there, especially when the war starts and fighting ensues. It is a motherly reaction of protection, though it comes out wrong.
Time for a montage! Jamie, Murtagh and now Dougal are training the men. We see Jamie calmly, patiently, and slowly showing the men the art of using a sword. Murtagh, though a little less patient at times does his training methodically and slow as well. Dougal likes to show off and of course still seems in a hurry and is showing the men the better art of killing those nasty straw dummies with a dirk you may come across in battle. There is also weapons forged, paper cartridges (for the guns) made, and lots of practice.
That night, Mr. Impatient (aka Dougal) tells Jamie and Murtagh that he thinks they are more than ready to join with Prince Charles. He goes on to tell them that each day more and more clans are joining the fight and with each one vying for a chance at the Prince’s ear and a place on his inner counsel. Dougal argues that they are wasting time here and Jamie, who had the Prince’s ear in Paris, could be using that to their advantage. Jamie objects to Dougal’s reasoning. He says he refuses to send the men into battle until they are trained to fight. Dougal seems unhappy with that.
The next morning, Claire wanders into the tent where some of the men are eating. Angus and Rupert are there. Angus takes a bite of his food and quickly spits it back out with a loud “Christ!” This causes Claire to have another flashback.
WWII nurse Claire is in a mess tent to get some food. At a table are two soldiers. One spits out some food and says “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ!” (Now we know where that came from) Claire looks over and asks if it doesn’t taste like steak. One of the men say “Excuse me ma’am?” and Claire on her way over towards the table with her own food, tells the young men that is what the Brits think the Americans eat all the time. A large juicy steak and a big baked potato slathered in butter. The other soldier chimes in “I wish!” as Claire sits down across from them. There is some conversation about the cultural differences between Americans and Brits. Claire knows they are American and asks how they came to be here. Their names are Lucas and Grant (last names) and they got separated from their unit after D-Day and are travelling with the British army in hopes to catch up and rejoin them. I got the feeling we are getting closer to the root cause of Claire’s PTSD and it probably involves these two.
Jamie, who has been watching Claire on occasion, is not a stupid man by any means. He can see she is troubled and quiet. When he asks her what is troubling her, she promptly says she is “fine”. He and every smart man out there knows that when a woman who is obviously upset but yet says she is fine, she really means “Shut up, leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about it now…..FINE.” She is sitting on a stool by the fire and in deep thought. He doesn’t pry. Not yet. So, he begins to undress and his badge pin with his clan crest and motto on it falls to the floor near Claire. She picks it up and looks at it, running her finger gently over it. She says “Je suis prest. I am ready” which is the clan motto. Jamie comes to her and apologizes for ever bringing her here. He promises to see her safe. With Claire sitting on a stool by a fire harks back to the beginning when she and Jamie first got back to Castle Leoch (Season 1).
The following morning, Jamie is watching Murtagh try to march the men. Murtagh is barking orders at them, like right and left, stop, turn, etc. The men are absolutely terrible at it. Murtagh smacks a few heads and back of legs. Jamie is thinking as he is watching and decides to try a slightly different approach. He says it is quite obvious to him that the men are not seeing the seriousness of this kind of training. They don’t see the purpose of fomping and prancing around like ponies. The men laugh at some of Jamie’s words and he smiles. He tells them he was just like them when he was young. Then he went to France and became a soldier and then he saw what a well-trained army that moved at one can do. He says that they are Scots, they are strong and brave, but there is a need to be more than just brave. The English army moves as one and is well trained, therefore they must do the same to match them. “Now” Jamie concludes, “if we have the discipline to stand together, to march together, and to fight together, then by God I ken we will win. Together.” The men, full of hope by Jamie’s words, cheer with him. The mood is good.
That mood is quickly changed, however when 5 half-naked men with soot on their faces and upper bodies, swinging swords and shrieking come charging towards the men. It is Dougal and his men. Jamie’s men start to scatter like chickens in a hen house with a fox. Jamie and Murtagh both yell to them to hold their ground to stay in line, but to no avail. Dougal and his men chuckle at the sight. Dougal yells to the men THAT is how it should be done…. surprise the English with a Highland charge that will “strike terror into their hearts.” Angus and Rupert chime in with a few flaws of the Jamie and Murtagh’s style of training too. For Dougal though, it is more than just showing off and boasting. He is outright trying to undermine Jamie’s authority as commander. Dougal is the war chief for the Clan Mackenzie and is not used to taking orders. He is used to giving them.
Jamie is obviously fuming at his uncle, but in true Book Jamie fashion, remains calm and talks calmly but sternly as he informs Dougal and his men that in order for this Highland charge to work, they would need the element of surprise, and he highly doubts that would happen. He calls Dougal over for a private conversation.
Dougal takes to the offensive right off the bat. He points out that he has been training men and fighting battles since Jamie “was still sucking [his] mother’s tit, God rest her”. Therefore, he knows a little more about it than Jamie does. Jamie (love seeing our King of Men from the books here!), does not miss a beat and looks Dougal in the face and says “No. You don’t.” He continues to tell his uncle that he knows what these men will face and how best to train them for it. “And these are MY men, MY clan. They will answer to me and no one else.” Ahhhhh….I can smell the testosterone coming off these two from here.
Dougal does not seem clear on this still, so Jamie continues. He tells his uncle that he has been more than tolerant out of respect for the man. And, that if Dougal wishes to fight with Clan Fraser, he will respect his orders “without objection”. If he does not agree with these terms, then he can gather his men and leave. Dougal agrees to follow orders.
Dougal is Dougal after all and doesn’t give up just yet. He seeks out Claire and tries to rally her to his cause. He attempts to beg on her sympathy of Jamie by saying how he has noticed Jamie tired and overwhelmed and he is too proud to ask him for help. He asks Claire to perhaps speak to Jamie. He reminds Claire of the promise made in the cave where she promised to marry him if Jamie had died at Wentworth Prison. In return, she had the use of some of his men to try to rescue Jamie from the prison. Dougal is counting on that Claire had kept the secret from Jamie, but she stops and gets in his face. She informs him that she and her husband share everything and that Jamie in fact did know about the promise and knowing the circumstances of why, took no issue with it. Dougal is quiet for a moment and then says that then Jamie is “a better man than I” to which Claire retorts “Truer words have never been spoken.”
Dougal tries to reconcile the situation by pointing out that he can see she still holds a grudge. If Dougal Mackenzie thought his nephew may have been harsh, Claire delivers a smackdown on Dougal that is borderline epic!
First, she points out that she does not think of him nearly enough to even bear a grudge. However, if she did, she would give him a pass on the account of his “affliction of narcissism”. After explaining to Dougal what the term means and originates from (way to add a history lesson here!), she continues to point out character flaws, like how his “ego and self-gratification” are what drives him to do what he does. In fact, though it may seem that he wants King James restored to the throne, it is not for Scotland, but for himself. She ends ripping Dougal apart with telling him that he may not understand what she is about to say, but “F**k yourself!”. Dougal may not fully understand the “F” word, but I am sure he got the meaning!
Dougal takes it all in stride and almost seems indifferent to her words. Perhaps he’s been told these things before? He pauses and tells Claire that she is wrong. He is self-centered, but he loves Scotland more than himself and would give anything and everything, including his own life to see a Stuart restored to the throne.
Later on, while Jamie and Murtagh are supervising a training session (Dougal is now actively participating) and they discuss Claire’s moods of late, Claire wanders into a tent where Angus and Rupert are. Angus is poking at God -only -knows -what on the bottom of his foot. She sees this and comes over and grabs his foot for inspection. Claire promptly scolds him for risking getting Trench foot. It is possible they don’t understand what Trench foot even is, and Angus just shrugs and says “I’ll bear it”. Claire is not happy and says that Trench foot leads to gangrene which leads to amputation. She tells him to take off his other boot to which Angus laughs thinking she is joking. Claire looks at his face and is pushed into another flashback. She is teaching a class on the same subject to some soldiers. One in particular seems to just smile like everything she is saying is funny and acts distracted when she asks if he was even listening. Coming out of the flashback, Claire screams at Angus “Did you hear what I f**king said?!” Stunned by her outburst Claire turns and leaves. She doesn’t hear Angus reply that he did in fact hear what she said. Outside, she tries to calm herself.
Later that night, Dougal wanders back into camp (apparently he had left) with 10 armed men who he claims are volunteers. Jamie asks how he and the men got into camp. Dougal says he merely waved to the sentries and they let them pass. Jamie has someone go fetch Ross and Kincaid who were the sentries on duty. He then asks the “volunteers” if they were there on “their own free will”. The men are silent and some lower their heads. Jamie rises and asks them again if they are there voluntarily. Are they prepared to be away from their home and family for an extended amount of time? Do they understand what they are doing? He lists the hardships they will endure and the hard reality of the situation. “This is treason” Jamie tells them. If they get caught it is certain they will end up on a scaffold. Dougal of course can’t stay quiet and says they are ready to die for their king. Jamie replies he would prefer they live for him. Jamie tells the men his full name and that he commands this army and that if they truly do not wish to be there, then they can leave now, no harm done.
The men walk off and Jamie dismisses everyone but his uncle. Here we go again. How many times does Jamie need to have a talk to this man? It is like he is a three year old and needs a time out. He reminds Dougal of their earlier conversation in which he promised to follow Jamie’s orders. Dougal is quick to point out that Jamie never said he couldn’t recruit more men. Jamie is opposed to his uncle or anyone raiding another clan for men like some cattle raid. To force them into service is not acceptable either. “A man that fights for his own beliefs is worth ten that fight for someone else’s” he tells Dougal. You could feel Dougal wanting to roll his eyes in defiance at Jamie’s words and he tells Jamie that all he hears is talk. Now, I don’t know about you, but that is a jab at Jamie saying that all he hears is blah blah blah and that he basically thinks Jamie and his methods are pure bullshite and hot air. This is probably not a good idea man. However, our lovely Jamie keeps his cool and ignores the childish insult. He has another idea. If the man wishes to act like a child, we will treat him like one - time for a time out. Jamie informs Dougal that as of now, he and his men are on sentry duty. Dougal can’t believe what he is hearing. “And that IS an order!” Jamie adds. Dougal is upset obviously, but attempts to act like he is willing and able to do the job. “Done” he tells Jamie and walks away.
In the meantime, Ross and Kincaid are brought in and Jamie scolds them for their carelessness. He orders them put under arrest and guard until morning at which time he will dole out the punishment.
In the morning, Jamie has the men gathered round and Ross and Kincaid are in the middle with him and Murtagh. Jamie lectures about carelessness and the repercussions it can cause. He says Ross and Kincaid failed at their sentry duty and must face the consequences. 6 lashes each is their punishment and these will be administered by Murtagh. Claire, who had been watching and listening, didn’t stick around for the proceedings.
Later in the day, the men are practicing shooting and reloading guns. Claire is walking through the camp behind where they are. She flinches each time a gun is fired and her breath is getting heavy and short. She struggles to remain composed. Jamie notices his wife in distress and sees her take refuge between two wagons.
Claire has a killer flashback. Literally it turns out. WWII nurse Claire is riding back with Lucas and Grant to her field hospital. It is night and very dark. Suddenly they are shot at and with an explosion their vehicle is blown up and off the road. Claire wakes up an undisclosed time later in a ditch with Grant. He must have pulled her over there. Lucas is screaming and crying by the road for help and in pain we can hear. Grant tells Claire to be quiet, but Claire, hearing Lucas screaming for help wants to go save him. She attempts to move, saying she would have a better chance as a woman. (Ummmm…Claire, do you not know the Nazis? They are notorious for killing everyone and everything including women and children without hesitation!) Grant stops her and tells her not to be stupid, she wouldn’t get 5 yards. They wait a minute and Grant tells her to stay there and he will attempt to go to Lucas and then come back for her.
Grant shows Claire how right he was earlier. No sooner does he leave the ditch he is gunned down and killed. Claire watches this in horror and then sees a German tank approaching. She watches as the tank goes through and some Nazi soldiers shoot out the gas tank of the vehicle where Lucas was trapped and the car explodes. Claire curls into a fetal position in the ditch and covers her ears with her hands. She tries to verbally will Lucas, now crying out for his mother repeatedly, to shut up. The next morning, she is still in the same position when some ally troops find her. The soldier asks her if she is okay, but she doesn’t respond. She merely looks at him as if he is an illusion and goes back to her original position. Coming out of the flashback, we see Claire in the same position on the ground in between the wagons and Jamie calling her in the Gaelic term of endearment “mo nighean donn” (my brown haired lass) which we haven’t heard used for quite a while I believe.
Off somewhere private to talk, Claire tells Jamie her story. She agrees with him that she would be dead today if she would have tried to save Lucas that night. She admits that she had tucked the memories away and hasn’t thought about any of it until now. She says it was the men in the camp that started her remembering. Jamie really regrets bringing Claire now. He offers to send her back to Lallybroch with Fergus and Ross. Claire refuses right away and tells Jamie that she can’t go. She can’t because it would be like being in that godforsaken ditch all over again, but this time it would be worse. This time it would be people she knows and loves dying. She says she had sworn to herself that she would never be that helpless and alone again. Jamie meets his forehead to hers and promises that she will never be alone again, no matter what happens. He gives her his solemn word and sweet loving kisses flow. How To Have A Strong Marriage 101.
That night, Jamie is just minding his own business when a little human turd tries to stab him. After a brief struggle with said turd, Jamie manages to break its arm and shove it against the wall. When all is said and done, and by a better light of the fire, Jamie and the men can see it isn’t a turd at all, but a boy. A young boy of maybe 16. Murtagh searches the boy and finds a letter addresses to a British officer and it is declared he must be a spy. The boy denies it and says that he was in fact drawn by the light of the fires and upon inspection had recognized the one and only “Red Jamie, the unprincipled and traitorous rebel”. Jamie is somewhat taken aback by the title and his notoriety, but quickly gain his composure and demands the boy tell him who he is marching with. The boy refuses, so Jamie decides to turn up the heat – literally. He heats up his dirk red hot in the fire and holds it close to the boy’s face.
Claire arrives and looks at the situation and quickly comes up with a plan. She yells at Jamie, calling him a “Scottish barbarian” and a “sadist”. She tells him that although she rejected his advances earlier, she would give herself freely to him now if he would let the boy go. Jamie, always quick on the draw, looks at the boy and says the since it seems he has no concern for his own safety, that perhaps he would reconsider if it came to the English lady’s honor. He roughly grabs Claire and pulls her to him. What follows next is quite comical from the viewer’s perspective. Claire is attempting to fight Jamie off as he tries to grope her in front of the men. It looks as though she manages to grab a certain appendage even give it a knee and gives Jamie the look of certain death. Murtagh is even smiling at the exchange!
This plan works, as the boy yells to please stop and let the lady be. Jamie orders Claire be held for the time being and roughly kisses her for good measure. The boy then confesses his name – William Grey, second son of Viscount Melton.
(FYI: Lord John Grey and William Grey are the same person. John is a middle name and word has it that because of a circumstance that has John Grey adopting a son by the name of William in the future, Diana changed it so he was known as John. Just in case anyone was confused by tweets and such.)
William Grey tells Jamie that he is travelling with 200 infantry towards Dunbar where they are expected to meet up and join General Cope’s forces. They are heavily armed, he warns them, with 16 carriage mounted cannons, muskets, mortars and 30 cavalry. When asked where they were camped, Grey pauses, but Claire wriggles and he confesses. The camp, he tells Jamie, is 3 miles to the west.
Jamie orders some of the men to take Master Grey back in that direction. If he is telling the truth and the encampment is indeed where he says it is, then tie him to a tree. (I seem to remember them stripping him down some too to humiliate him when he is found in the morning in the books) However, if he is lying and there is no camp, then slit his throat. Jamie says this last bit to Grey face to face and places the boy’s knife back in his belt. He tells Grey that he has given him his life and “I hope you use it well” he adds. Grey looks at him and says that he hates the fact that he owes Jamie a debt, but it was forced upon him and he hopes to discharge one day. Jamie replies that they should hope never to meet again and bows to him. Grey informs Jamie “A Grey does not forget and obligation, sir” as he is led away.
Jamie calls on Dougal and his men, stating that they were on sentry duty that night. Dougal knows what is happening, and is willing and able to take the punishment. However, Jamie turns the tables and blames himself. As commander he should have known better. Taken extra precautions and have the fires put out or shielded. It is his fault the boy made it into the camp. He sentences himself to 6 lashes for the fires plus another 12 for his carelessness. After that, he promises, they will go take care of the English camp. He removes his shirt and the men are silent. Murtagh, bless his soul, has to be the one to whip Jamie. You can feel the men flinch as Jamie is given his punishment, but Jamie remains silent.
The men are all ready to go to the English camp. They have soot from the fires on their faces, including Jamie. Dougal is there eager to go, but Jamie stops him and tells him he is still on sentry duty. Dougal is not happy and Jamie can see it. “I stay behind like some…..” Dougal starts. Jamie cuts him off and finishes the sentence with “Like some wretched soldier that’s been given an order by his commander, aye. That’s exactly what you will do.” Dougal concedes and agrees that is what he will do.
At the English camp, Jamie and his men stab and take out the sentry then rush to the cannon wagons. There, they remove all the pins on the wheels and take the wheels themselves. Back at their own camp, they make a large bonfire with the wheels. Spirits are high.
Jamie comes bursting into his and Claire’s cabin in high spirits and excitement. He yells out to Claire and asks if she is sleeping. (Ummm…not anymore!) He says he has a present for her and throws the ring with all the cottar pins on the bed. She picks them up and looks at them, but before she can ask anything, Jamie is on top of her about to kiss her and she notices his face. She asks where he has been, to which he replies “Commando raid. Commando. Is that the right word?” Claire smiles and gets that it means that he and the men went to the English camp. She asks about the pins and he says they are the cottar pins from all the cannon wagons. She asks if the English couldn’t just make more and Jamie smiles, full of pride and say that they could, but it wouldn’t do them any good without wheels. Jamie then thanks Claire for her selfless act earlier that night. She managed to help them get valuable information. There is a lot of kissing and Claire trying to coax Jamie into bed for more, but Jamie smiles and says that although the thought is very tempting, that English will be waking up soon. They don’t want to be around when they discover what has been done. Time to go.
Jamie, Claire and the men set out and are looking much more like an army now. They arrive some time later on a hillside and look out at the sight as they stop. Down below is a vast aray of tents…..Prince Charlie’s army at Perth. Jamie calls for Dougal and tells him to ride ahead and announce their arrival to the Prince. Dougal is very pleased to have the honor. Jamie turns to Claire and says there is no turning back now. Claire agrees and says “Je suis prest.” Are they truly ready though?
Great, Great episode. I know some don’t like the war stuff, but this was almost straight from the book. Matt Roberts is a great writer and like I said before, I have liked every episode he has done, because it always makes me as a book lover very happy. He gets it. Claire’s PTSD was a brilliant addition that was not in the books. See! I don’t mind if some things are added when they make it look like it was from the books and it makes sense! That whole Leoghaire showing up and how Claire works with her, etc is an example of a bad idea.
So, what are your thoughts? Only 4 more episodes before we have Droughtlander again! (*sad face*)