Jane the Maid of Honor Chapter 63
Episode Rating: 4 (mostly because of the stripper)
Okay—this is the penultimate episode, the one that sets us up for the big finish! Heeeere we go!
When young Jane Gloriana Villanueva was a little girl, she believed in the magic of fairytales. But grown Jane is way more realistic and she is not about the happily ever after. Maybe that’s because of Michael’s death. Sorry to be a downer.
Rogelio and Xiomara believe in fairytales and they’re gonna have a ridiculously enchanted wedding and Jane is going to be the Maid of Honor (technically Matron of Honor because she was married…to Michael—ugh downer, right). Abuela wants to know how they are going to fit Jesus into all this Disney princess foolishness (yachts and white horses!). Xo and Ro could care not less about the sacrament side of marriage.
Oh, no, Fabian is catching feelings Jane really, really likes the sex; but the boy is as dumb as a bag of rocks, so she’s going to end things with him. I dunno, Jane, I think I’d ride it out for a while. (See what I did there? Hee.)
Jane’s best friend and baby daddy, Raf, wants Jane to run interference for him and convince Petra to give him a chance. At the family brunch, Raf goes off to wash the kinds sticky fingers and Petra asks for Jane’s advice but Jane stays out of it. Later, Jane tells Abuela she thinks Petra and Rafael getting back together is the worst idea in the history of ideas.
Xo and Ro have bitchy twin wedding planners who think Xo is too old to for the pouffy dress, tiara, and horse driven carriage she has her heart set on. So they quit, leaving Ro and Xo with no wedding planner! Jane volunteers to organize the wedding. This is so not going to go well.
Krishna reminds Rafael he has an appointment with his oncologist—just for a checkup, but Petra insists he goes. Krishna also tells Raf he has a call from Luisa at 2:30 sharp. He runs to where the police have a set up that can trace the call, but Rose makes sure Luisa hangs up before the police can figure out where they are.
Petra hashes out the Rafael thing with Jane.
Jane promises to find a white horse for Xo’s dream wedding. (Really? Cuz this is like their second wedding…). Jane finds out Ro has invited Fab to the wedding! Jane breaks into his dressing room to steal the invitation back when Fab walks in. Jane’s about to end it, but she notices a poster of Fab on a white horse, just like Xo wants. Jane invites Fab to the wedding, even though she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to so much, her nose grows, but at least Xo will get a white horse.
(Wow the MetroPCS commercial that tried to incorporate last week’s plot-line was really, really bad.)
Jane preps the Bachelor/ette party. She tries to rationalize going to the wedding with Fab, but Alba tells her she’s just trading one sin for another. Meanwhile, Ro accidentally tells Fab that Jane was thinking of breaking up with him! Fab is so pissed he does some devious diva tricks prolong the shoot and keep Ro from his meeting with Xo. He also sends Jane to the middle of nowhere looking for a horse and a flock of geese chase her through a field and hold her captive in her car.
Petra shoots Raf down. Raf thinks Jane had something to do with it. He accuses Jane of sabotaging and Jane tells him she doesn’t think it’s a good idea either.
Petra hears Raf on a phone call telling Luisa his cancer is back. Of course, it’s just a brilliant plan buy sexy Detective Dennis to lure Luisa back from wherever she is. Petra confronts him, but Raf assures her he’s fine and he was just working with the police. Petra and Raf have a moment.
Jane tries to apologize, but Fab calls her a heartless slut. Wow. That is. Wow. Unnecessary. Madonna/whore much, Fab?
Ro and Fab fight. It is sexy tussle-haired, muscle-y Latin men fighting. Jane tries to apologize to Fab again, explaining that he is the first man she’s slept with since Michael died (I know, downer) and the second man ever. Fab is about to sucker punch Rogelio and Jane punches Fab in the nose like Marcia Brady. They refuse to work together until a TV exec tells them they’re going to work it out and re-shoot all the things they missed. Ro calls Xo and she’s upset because he’s missing their Bachelor/ette party.
The kids put on a play. Jane sees Raf with Petra sand the girls and she imagines them as Cinderella and the prince and her and Mateo as the poor relations.
Xo cancels the Party. Jane and Xo get drunk and Jane tells Xo about watching Petra and Raf and Xo tells her she’s always been in the middle and it’s hard being on the outside (Xo should know, she’s had no storyline this season!). They get drunker, and Jane tells Xo why the wedding planners quit. JANE’S REAL LIFE BOYFRIEND COMES IN AND STRIPS FOR JANE’S TV MOM. Ro shows up for the party! Because Jane texted him to prioritize their love. Carriage miniature white horses…
Jane drunk dials Raf. And tells him the truth, how she was afraid she and Mateo would be the bastard side family if he got back with Petra. Raf assures her that that will never happen and she will always be family and he loves her so much. Jane’s heart glows. Then Petra called and Jane tells her to go for it. Raf and Petra get it on.
Ro and Xo aske Jane to officiate their wedding.
Luisa returns and DETECTIVE DENNIS CATCHES SIN ROSTRO AND PEELS HER FACE OFF!
Dun D----Oh, come on, this episode wasn’t even trying. It was so phoned in! What was with the twin wedding planners and the geese? That was a whole 5 minutes of air time when we could’ve been looking at the stripper! And where was Chuck? Wasn’t he so in love with Petra last week? Where was Anezka? She still in jail?
And one thing Xo said was true: Jane doesn’t know how not to be in the middle of the things. This eppy had Jane surrounded by Xo and Ro and Raf and Petra. But guess what? THE SHOW IS CALLED JANE THE VIRGIN AND WE NEED TO SEE JANE DOING STUFF. STUFF WE CARE ABOUT.
Let’s hope next week's finale really delivers.